When Family Needs Don’t Match: Tips for Navigating Sensory Differences Within the Family
We use our senses to experience the world, taking in information, making sense of that info in our brains, and responding to that information with our bodies. This is sensory processing! And sensory processing can vary from person to person. Because of this, what our brains, bodies, and senses need can be different. What makes one person feel comfortable and focused might make another person feel overwhelmed.
For example, when I’m working at my computer, I like having a crunchy snack, soothing music in the background, and snuggling under a blanket. My sister, on the other hand, prefers a quiet environment with a lit candle nearby, standing at her desk. Can you see how our sensory needs are completely different? Now, imagine us both working in the same room… this could easily create a sensory mismatch. (Like the sound of my crunchy snack driving my sister up the wall… or my sister’s candle making me sneeze every 5 seconds… Ooops…)
This is just one example of how sensory needs can differ between people - and even within families. These differences can be challenging to navigate. I encounter this often in my OT sessions, too, as I help families figure out how to manage their diverse sensory needs.
So, what can we do about it? Let’s explore!
1. Become aware of your own sensory needs.
It can be helpful to start by understanding your own sensory “non-negotiables.” What do you need to feel safe and comfortable? (And yes, parents’ needs matter just as much!) Discovering your own sensory preferences can be a fun self-discovery process. If you’re not sure where to begin, an OT can help you gain a deeper understanding of your sensory needs.
2. Observe the sensory needs of your family.
Take a step back and observe the sensory patterns or struggles that might arise throughout the day. Are there specific times when sensory overload occurs? What about meltdowns or overwhelm? A helpful tool is this Sensory Preferences Questionnaire by Jane Koomar, PhD, OTR/L, FAOTA, and Dan Hughes, PhD, which you can use to reflect on your family’s sensory needs.
3. Start an open dialogue about sensory needs.
We can try to have open communication about sensory preferences in our families. We can even model self-advocating for our sensory needs. For example, “Mom needs to turn down the music volume - it’s too much for my ears,” or “Dad wears gloves while washing dishes because the food feels icky and uncomfortable on his hands.” This resource by Autism LevelUP is a great tool for brainstorming solutions and accommodations. (There are a LOT of great resources on Autism LevelUP- I use them a lot in my OT sessions!)
4. Create sensory spaces and tools for comfort.
Identify objects or areas in your home that offer sensory comfort, and make them super easy to access. When we are stressed or overwhelmed, it can be really hard to think about choosing what might be helpful. Making a sensory tool readily available for our future selves, and each member of the family, can be really helpful!
For example, a weighted blanket on the couch, noise-cancelling headphones in the kitchen, or a cozy corner in the kid’s bedroom can help meet individual needs during tough times. (These items may be different for each person!)
5. Establish regular sensory breaks.
Some family members may need sensory breaks throughout the day - this could take a bit of planning ahead, especially if an adult also needs time to reset. Encourage everyone to take breaks and prioritize their sensory needs, even if it means stepping away for a few moments. This could be more structured, routine breaks, or spontaneous breaks as needed.
6. Involve your kids in the process.
Encourage your children to think creatively about how each person’s sensory needs can be met. Kids often come up with brilliant solutions! For example, what if I swapped out my crunchy snack for something quieter, like a soft cracker or dried fruit, so the sound doesn’t bother others in the room? What if I listened to music using headphones instead of a speaker? An essential oil necklace can be a good way to provide one person’s nose with a preferred scent, without it permeating throughout the entire room and potentially overwhelming someone else’s senses
7. Embrace creative thinking and trial and error as you learn!
Coming up with creative ways to meet everyone’s sensory needs can be a fun family project. If something doesn’t work out, don’t be discouraged! Every experiment helps you learn more about what works best for your family. When something doesn’t work, that is valuable information, too! Some families prefer to keep a journal of what they’ve tried, what works, and what doesn’t. Others prefer to go with the flow and experiment when needed.
8. Consult with an occupational therapist.
An OT is an expert in identifying and navigating sensory differences! If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure about how to manage sensory mismatches, an OT can provide valuable guidance and strategies for addressing your family’s unique needs.
Written by Nicole Raisin, OTR/L